Compliments: Deep down, we love to get them (sometimes they make us cringe, but that’s a different article), yet, are hesitant or too scared to dish them out. Having been on both sides of the “compliment equation”, I can honestly say that I enjoy giving them, more than receiving them.
Why it matters
In favor of being dramatic, I like to think of giving compliments as a weapon; in the wrong hands, it could be an effective tool for manipulation. A ‘charismatic’ guy might use it to wear down a woman’s defenses and get her to do things she wouldn’t have done on a normal day. It could work magic on the mean secretary who wouldn’t let you book an appointment to see her boss.
Even seemingly innocent kids can use the weapon of a compliment against their parents when they want something – I find this to be the most powerful. The interesting thing is that people can often tell when they’re being “sweet-talked”, but it’s still hard to say “No!” to the accompanying request when you’re high on sweet words.
“Not all heroes wear capes”
When the intentions are pure, however, you can wield compliments as a force for immeasurable good. Complimenting a person makes them feel seen and appreciated. So many people go through life feeling like they don’t matter; like they’re invisible (not in the cool superhero kind of way).
When you take time to notice a person and pay them a relevant compliment, you’ve acknowledged their existence. You’ve reaffirmed that they do matter and you’ve likely lit a spark in them that could positively change the rest of their day, or lives.
Why some people struggle with Compliments (why we don’t give nice things)
There are a couple of reasons why a person might refrain from giving compliments. For some people, it could be that they are simply shy and do not want to attract unnecessary attention. For others, it could be that praising someone else makes them feel insecure – perhaps, acknowledging that another person is great at something or has certain qualities that they don’t possess makes them feel inferior. There’s also the power play angle… In an effort to keep the receiver modest, a person may choose to withhold compliments because they think it would fuel the receiver’s ego.
“A compliment a day makes your confidence grow stronger”
Why you should give them anyway
So, I haven’t been entirely honest with you. The truth is, even if you’re giving genuine compliments without asking for anything in return, it still benefits you in the long run. Here’s how –
- It trains your sense of observation
- It helps you become more self-aware. You’re noticing things you like. Sometimes, they’re things you crave, but have accepted that you don’t have, or can’t have just yet. That takes a mix of strength, courage & humility
- You’re stepping out of your comfort zone and using your voice, which helps you grow as a person
- It puts you in a positive frame of mind. Bringing joy to someone else makes you feel happy in return. It’s a lot like practicing gratitude
- Over time, you will become more confident, because you’re exercising your power
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